A Reality Check for the Local Kiss-Ass Media

All the buzz this week from the local kiss-ass media is the arrival of wide receiver Jake Kumerow on his white horse to save the Packers season. Who is Jake Kumerow and when was his All-Pro years and why wasn’t he playing earlier when he, evidently, pushed Jordy Nelson out the door?

All good questions except for the local kiss-ass media, who for some reason think Mr. Kumerow, who played college ball at the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater, making him the local boy made good, is the missing part of the playoff puzzle. But wait.

Kumerow has been in the league since 2015 when he signed with the powerhouse Cincinnati Bengals as an undrafted rookie free agent and NOT, let me repeat that, NOT the overall first pick of the draft and not even Mr. Irrelevant as the last pick in the draft.

He was cut before his rookie season and re-signed to the Bengals practice squad. So it must have been 2016 when he became All-Pro and led the league in receiving. But wait. The Bengals liked him enough to sign him to a reserve/futures contract, but not good enough to give him a spot on the final 53-man roster. He was cut again and again was re-signed to the practice squad.  This time they liked him so much they activated him for the final game, but didn’t like him enough to activate him for the game.

So it must have been 2017 when led won Rookie of the Year and broke all of Randy Mosses records. But wait. He got hurt during the preseason (sounds familiar) and was waived injured with an undisclosed injury before the season. So some other team saw his great potential and difference making ability and grabbed him off waivers. But wait. He cleared waivers and reverted to Injured Reserve. So the Bengals dodged a bullet and kept him on Injured Reserve. But wait. They immediately waived him off injured reserve and said goodbye to the future savior of the Packers franchise.

The greatest talent evaluator of our times Bill Belichick snatched him up this time after and signed him to the practice squad immediately. But wait. No other team wanted the future All-Pro and Packers Hall of Famer went unclaimed for over a month until Belichick threw him a bone and signed him on October 26. So here’s where all receivers come to play and with Tom Brady anxiously waiting for his arrival Kumerow will now make his NFL debut with the greatest game a player has ever had in his first game. But wait. Belichick evidently didn’t like what he saw and cut him two weeks later without activating to the 53.

Now the greatest talent evaluator of all-time and future Packers and NFL Hall of Famer Ted Thompson signed him to the Packers practice squad after every other NFL team and those in the rest of the world ignored him. He was signed on December 26 and wasn’t even considered for the 53.

So 7 days later Thompson had been relieved of his daily duties so he could concentrate on being the Greatest Packer of all time and still get paid for doing nothing except guide his baby boy Brian Gutekunst from his Ivory Tower 1265 Lombardi Avenue penthouse suite as he oversees the worst season of the Aaron Rodgers era, when he wasn’t injured and missed games.

Ok, I got off on my Ted Thompson tirade. Back to the greatest receiver in Packers history – better than James Lofton, Donald Driver, Sterling Sharpe, Jordy Nelson and even better than the immortal Don Hutson evidently since the local kiss-ass media can only talk about Kumerow being activated and how much he will contribute against the Cardinals at Lambeau Field. Where was I going with this?

Jake Kumerow showed so much during his one game on the practice squad last year he was one of the last signings by Thompson (ok that’s how I got off on Thompson) as he was still making deals after he was removed as General Manager and Gute hadn’t taken over yet.

Mini-camp came and he was getting noticed. Camp came and he was still getting noticed. The first preseason game against the Titans came and he exploded with all the pent up untapped talent and he caught 3 passes for 76 yards and a 52-yard touchdown. The second preseason game against the Steelers came and he super novaed with 3 catches for 114 yards and an 82-yard touchdown. The future wide receiver that will replace Don Hutson as the measuring stick for the storied Packers then made his first and biggest mistake. He did a summersault into the endzone at the end of his greatest reception injuring his shoulder. First reported as a stinger that wouldn't keep him out long by the local kiss-ass media turned into a spot on injured reserve. You know the local kiss-ass media are always right.

He was later put on the designated for return injured reserve list and last week was designated for return and was activated for the game against the Cardinals. An aside. The other designated for return receiver Trevor Davis lasted just 2 games before landing back on injured reserve. Just saying, the Packers medical staff has a terrible track record of determining who is healed. This is not the first time is all I’m saying.

But anyway. It seems to all the local kiss-ass media that the problems with the Packers offense are the receivers and NOT Aaron Rodgers having his first sucky season. I think it’s Mike McCarthy and Aaron Rodgers, but what do I know?

So for today the best way to sum up how the local kiss-ass media is playing up his return (actually he has played in less than 2 games of the Packers and those two were without the starters on each team) is to use the lyrics of the great Queen song “Flash’s Theme”

Jake, a-ah, saviour of the universe
Jake, a-ah, he'll save everyone of us
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Jake, a-ah, he's a miracle
Jake, a-ah, king of the impossible

He's for everyone of us
Stand for everyone of us
He'll save with a mighty hand
Every man, every woman
Every child, with a mighty flash
Jake, a-ah
Jake, a-ah,…

Let’s hope he does well. Let’s hope his return is the missing part that propels the Packers to the playoffs. Let’s hope, but…………